"Psst...what's with all the sitting and standing?"

Catholic Weddings 101

So, you're Protestant, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Druid, neo-Pagan, miscellaneous, nothing in particular, everything in general, or just a Catholic who's been out of it for a while. And now you've been invited to a Catholic wedding complete with nuptial mass. Intimidated? Don't be.

What you'll see is a regular Catholic church service, the kind that Catholics attend every Sunday, special only in that it will also include a wedding ceremony. It's not required for us to be married during a Mass; we could have had a simpler service consisting primarily of Scripture readings and the wedding ceremony itself, and we'd still be "married in the Catholic Church." But we wanted to celebrate with a Mass, in part because our religious heritage is Catholic, and in part because faith is an integral part of the married life we make for each other.

What are you interested in?

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Trivia

Here's some interesting stuff you may not have known.

	Giving away the bride In Catholic tradition, the bride is not "given away" by her father, though she is usually escorted down the aisle during the entrance rite.
	*"Honor and obey"* The bride does not vow to "obey" her husband in the Catholic rite. Shannon likes this part.
	*"Speak now or forever hold your peace"* You won't hear this either. In most parishes, a series of wedding announcements are printed in the church bulletin for three weeks before the wedding. It is during this time that anyone who knows a reason why the couple should not contract marriage has the opportunity to contact the priest.
	*"I now pronounce you husband and wife"* You won't hear this phrase or any like it during a Catholic wedding ceremony. In fact, the priest does not pronounce the couple married at all. He doesn't "marry them" or confer the sacrament of marriage upon them. The couple confer the marriage Sacrament upon each other through their vows. The priest is there as a witness and to preside over Mass.
	*When exactly are you married?* The couple is married when the rings have been exchanged. The service will continue for a while longer.

The Order of Mass

The Mass is divided into five parts: gathering and entrance rite, Liturgy of the Word, marriage rite, Liturgy of the Eucharist, and concluding rite. The service should last a bit over an hour.

The gathering and entrance rite is a procession of the celebrant priest and deacon, the attendants, and the bride and groom to the altar. The priest greets the community and blesses them. There may be a penitential rite which consists of a communal prayer for mercy and forgiveness, followed by a prayer or song called the Gloria.

The Liturgy of the Word consists of three readings from the Bible, chosen by the couple, all of which will probably have something to do with marriage. Friends and family members will be chosen to read the Scripture. First will be a reading from the Hebrew Bible or Old Testament; then a psalm, either read from the Book of Psalms or a song based on one; then a reading from the New Testament. There will also be a reading from one of the four Gospels, preceded by a special Alleluia prayer or song called the Gospel Acclamation. (Christians who are able to do so should remain standing during the reading from the Gospel.) After the Gospel, the officiant will give a short homily reflecting on the marriage that is about to take place.

The marriage rite follows. The familiar exchange of vows and of rings will take place first, sealing the marriage. (This may seem anticlimactic to those who are used to seeing this part happen at the very end.) After the rings are exchanged, the Mass continues. Prayers for the newlyweds, for the community, and for various groups of people will be offered up.

The Liturgy of the Eucharist is when Communion is offered to the congregation. Bread and wine will be blessed and prepared to become the Eucharistic meal. We will pray the Lord's Prayer together, then spend a few moments to offer one another a sign of peace in the form of a handshake or hug. Then the bread and wine will be distributed. (See a note on Communion.)

The concluding rite consists of a blessing of the community and of the newlyweds, a dismissal, and a recessional song. Guests should wait until the wedding party and priest has left before leaving their seats to exit the church.

Etiquette for Non-Catholic Guests

As a non-Catholic visitor, what am I expected to do to show proper respect without compromising my own beliefs?

Rule Number One: Do not say anything or do anything that you feel goes against your own beliefs. Nobody expects non-Christians to join in praying the Lord's Prayer or reciting the Apostles' Creed. If it doesn't bother you to do so, you can stand when we stand and sit when we sit and kneel when we kneel. But if this isn't your style, nobody will stare at you or think you disrespectful if you choose to remain seated throughout the ceremony. Standing and kneeling are things that we do specifically to show our respect for particular parts of the Mass. For example, during the reading of the Gospel we will stand, and in the presence of the Eucharist we will kneel. Regardless of your beliefs, you may choose whether or not to participate in our "gymnastics."

Guidelines for non-Christians and non-Catholic Christians

Welcome! One of the beliefs we hold dear is that all people form one community and share a common destiny in one God, who has many names. Please don't feel that you need to join us in reciting prayers that hold no meaning for you, or that go contrary to your beliefs. We do ask for your thoughts or prayers as we begin our marriage. We ask Christians to participate in the Liturgy of the Word and to stand during the reading of the Gospel as a sign of respect. We also ask you to consider carefully whether it would be appropriate for you to receive Communion with us (see A Note on Communion).

Symbols and Significance

	The holy water font is a large bowl near the door of the church containing a quantity of water. There isn't anything really special about the water, except that it has been blessed and prayed over; it is the water used in baptisms. When we enter and leave the church, we touch our fingers to the water and perform a sign of the cross: touching forehead, chest, left and right shoulder, a silent way of saying "I pray for blessing in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." This is also a renewal of our baptismal promises. We invite all Christians who enter the church to pray this prayer with us.
	The unity candle is a large candle flanked by two smaller ones which can represent the joining of two people in marriage. This metaphorical ceremony is common to many faiths including Catholicism. We have chosen not to include this part in our ceremony.
	The wedding rings symbolize the eternal bond of marriage. Gold represents incorruptibility, plus, it's nice and shiny. They're also our first gifts to each other as husband and wife, and we'll always wear them as an outward sign to the world that we are joined.
	What is the spiritual significance of the marriage itself? As we join in marriage, we become a symbol of the marriage between God and the human soul. Though our life together will have its ups and downs, we remain always faithful to each other as God remains always faithful to those who love him, and nourishing one another as God nourishes those who follow him.

A Note on Communion

For Catholics, the Holy Eucharist, or Communion, is the highest form of worship, the "source and summit of the Christian life." It has many names and many meanings in Catholic tradition. It is the richest, most meaningful part of the Catholic service. Read more from the Catholic Catechism.

Catholics, along with the Orthodox churches and a few Protestant churches, believe that, during Mass, the bread and wine given for the meal actually become the body and blood of Jesus Christ (1 Cor 11:23-29). We know that the physical makeup of the stuff doesn't change--the same molecules are all there--but as Christians we believe that everything has an eternal, spiritual component which is more real than its physical appearances, and it is this spiritual component which changes.

Historically at Catholic masses, the Eucharist is offered, in general, only to those who are Catholics and who understand and believe in the "nature" of the Sacrament. Even Catholics have been compelled to abstain from the Eucharist if they are in a state of unrepented, unconfessed sin, or if they have not observed a one-hour fast prior to the Mass.

Some modern theologians argue, however, that the Eucharist is not so much a reward for meeting certain criteria as it is that which binds us in God's love, and a wonderfully unique way of experiencing that love. In other words, while accepting the Eucharist is both a cause of unity and a sign of unity with God, is is also a public demonstration of faith in the true existence of the body and blood of Christ in what were formerly bread and wine. However, since there are no Catholic ID cards, if a non-Catholic or non-Christian approaches the minister and asks for Communion, it will never be refused.

In a way, it's like a wedding: Couples only seek to be married in a Church if they subscribe to that Church's beliefs and seek God's presence in the marriage through the Church's ceremony. In a similar way, people who seek Communion seek the spiritual nourishment that is embodied in the Eucharist. Follow your conscience in determining whether you should ask for Communion. Nobody will stare at you, think you are being disrespectful, or wonder what's wrong if you choose simply to remain in your seat while others take Communion.

As an alternative way of participating in the Eucharistic ceremony, some people choose to approach the priest for a blessing. We encourage you to ask for a blessing if you would like to participate. Indicate your intention to receive a blessing by crossing your arms in an "X" over your chest; the priest will then know to give you a blessing instead of the bread or wine.

Links

Following are links to web pages that contain everything you ever wanted to know about Catholicism. All the links above are taken from these pages.

	New Advent, including the Catholic Encyclopedia
	Catholic Catechism
	Catholic Social Justice
	Modern Liturgy
	Resources for Catholic Educators
	Adoremus, Society for the Renewal of the Sacred Liturgy
	Christus Rex, a private, non-profit organization dedicated to the dissemination of information on works of art preserved in churches, cathedrals and monasteries
	EWTN Global Catholic Network
	The Pope's message on World Peace Day, 1/1/2002
	The Holy See, the Pope and the Vatican
	The Bible online
	Catholicism Today by Matthew F. Kohmescher

updated 1/17/02 13:30

	The gathering and entrance rite is a procession of the celebrant priest and deacon, the attendants, and the bride and groom to the altar. The priest greets the community and blesses them. There may be a penitential rite which consists of a communal prayer for mercy and forgiveness, followed by a prayer or song called the Gloria.
	The Liturgy of the Word consists of three readings from the Bible, chosen by the couple, all of which will probably have something to do with marriage. Friends and family members will be chosen to read the Scripture. First will be a reading from the Hebrew Bible or Old Testament; then a psalm, either read from the Book of Psalms or a song based on one; then a reading from the New Testament. There will also be a reading from one of the four Gospels, preceded by a special Alleluia prayer or song called the Gospel Acclamation. (Christians who are able to do so should remain standing during the reading from the Gospel.) After the Gospel, the officiant will give a short homily reflecting on the marriage that is about to take place.
	The marriage rite follows. The familiar exchange of vows and of rings will take place first, sealing the marriage. (This may seem anticlimactic to those who are used to seeing this part happen at the very end.) After the rings are exchanged, the Mass continues. Prayers for the newlyweds, for the community, and for various groups of people will be offered up.
	*The Liturgy of the Eucharist* is when Communion is offered to the congregation. Bread and wine will be blessed and prepared to become the Eucharistic meal. We will pray the Lord's Prayer together, then spend a few moments to offer one another a sign of peace in the form of a handshake or hug. Then the bread and wine will be distributed. (See a note on Communion.)
	The concluding rite consists of a blessing of the community and of the newlyweds, a dismissal, and a recessional song. Guests should wait until the wedding party and priest has left before leaving their seats to exit the church.